Support for adopted adults
Personal journeys: insights on accessing birth records
Exploring your birth records can be a significant moment along your life journey. In this section, we share stories and feedback from people who have accessed their records with ACE. Hearing from others who have been through this experience may provide further insight and perspectives on the process. Whether you're just gathering information for the moment, or feel ready to begin the process, these personal reflections offer a meaningful look into the journeys of others and may help you feel more prepared for your own.
Video interviews with adopted adults will be added soon.
Accessing My Birth Records – A Testimonial by Beverley Clarke, 2025
I am 61 years old and from a young age, I think around 5, I was told that I was adopted. It was a family secret, not to be shared.
A few times in my teens I broached the subject but was cut short and my mum and dad said they didn’t have any information. They found my questions upsetting, especially my mum, as though they weren’t enough, which wasn’t the case, I just wanted to know who I was. Eventually I stopped asking and thought maybe one day I would search, perhaps when I left home.
In 1994, I had just given birth to my first child when my dad handed me a letter from Coventry Social Services. My birth brother had spent 3 years searching for me.
It changed my life, I finally had the information I needed, I knew who I was and the situation around my adoption, even though it wasn’t easy for any of us. I had never shared this family secret, not even with the father of my children or my close friends, but gradually I opened up and told people, it was a weight off my shoulders.
I began to build a relationship with my brother, eventually meeting my birth mother and other family members. Unfortunately, I never met my birth father as he had passed away the year before, but I have met a half-sister and a nephew. My birth father was married when he met my mother and then later got married to someone else, he has 5 children in the USA.
In 2022, I decided to access my birth records, I felt there were some conflicting stories, and I needed to see the full picture. My mum and dad had both passed away by this time and I had since found an old Tetley tea tin with all the paperwork in, including my original birth certificate! I contacted ACE directly and was given a time frame of up to 6 months so that they could find the case file and prepare the records to share with me.
I took my son along with me to the appointment to meet a social worker who had reviewed my information. Both of my sons have always shown an interest in my story and my American birth father and family, so we all looked forward to finding out more information.
I never expected such a comprehensive file to be given to me, it consisted of a 5-page summary about my birth parent’s circumstances of my adoption. and information on my birth mother’s situation. There were also documents included, such as my original weight card, letters to St Faith’s Shelter in Coventry where my birth mother had me for the first 6 weeks, follow up appointments and letters to and from social workers and my mum and dad after my adoption.
The visit with ACE surprisingly lasted around 2 hours. The social worker was wonderful, she went through everything with me page by page, checking with me that I was comfortable before moving on to the next page. It was a very special day to actually see everything, especially the letters in my dad’s handwriting dating back to 1964.
I was offered a follow up appointment and was contacted again a couple of weeks later to check on how I was doing, which I found helpful after all the extra information had been processed. I also received an information pack which gave me lots of information on tracing birth relatives and supporting information for approaching reunion. I had already met some of my birth family members and had been through the emotional storm that comes with it, but for anyone going into this journey it is very helpful information. I would recommend seeking as much support beforehand and after the visit with ACE, whether from a friend, partner, counsellor or a social worker the birth records team.
Testing accessible accordions for the possible use on WCC's website.
Testimonial from an adopted person using ACE birth records service, 2025.
I think in these times of social media and DNA; people are not always so keen to contact Social Services. Maybe there is a bit of historic stigma there, as they were often the people who dealt with the adoption, along with historic Adoption agencies. However, things have moved on, as has the way adoptees are treated and the people in the team were all lovely and very understanding and experienced.
I think as an adoptee, you have gaps. Gaps in knowing who you look like, where your mannerisms and inclinations come from, and a lack of medical/health information. I can remember as a child, going through different scenarios in my head, even looking at new people and wondering if could be related to them.
When I accessed my file, I had already found out quite a bit of information about my adoption. However, recollections varied. I wanted to access my file to see everything that was written down at the time. I was lucky, my mother’s social worker was quite thorough, and I found out quite a bit more information. I found out about my mother’s circumstances at the time and the thoughts of my birth father. Some things were upsetting and anyone accessing their file should be prepared for good and bad news. Other things were nice to see though, such as letters and phone calls from my father at the time asking about me and even offering to take me on with his new fiancée. Sadly, this was never acted on at the time. I also found out about another sibling, who was also adopted. This then caused me a dilemma of whether to contact her.
I think anyone accessing their file for the first time needs to remember that this is just really the start of the process. The more information I had, the more questions I had. Also, whatever you find out, you cannot then ‘unknow’ it. The ‘box’ is then open, and you might find your feelings change and even the way you view yourself as you find out more.
I was lucky to have good support around me on my journey and was in a good place mentally. I think this was important. Strong emotions are normal when exploring you adoption history. Be prepared for a range of feelings, from curiosity to sadness or even anger. Be aware that certain information may be missing or limited. This can be frustrating.
Finding your file can take time, so patience is needed. The team will contact you when it is ready and go through the information with you. For me it was turned a page, I was no longer that child making up the truth in her head. I had the facts.
Dear Fellow Adoptee - a letter from Sarah
Dear Fellow Adoptee,
I hope this letter finds you in a moment of peace. As you embark on your own adoption journey, I want to share some reflections that may resonate with you, especially if you're grappling with feelings of uncertainty and anticipation. I hope the insights below provide some solace as you navigate the ups and downs of your discovery. It’s important to note that after speaking with many adoptees, I've learned that no two journeys are the same. Some are filled with joy and reunion, while others may be tinged with sadness and loss.
My journey began with a simple desire to discover my origins. However, as I opened the Pandora's box of my past, I found that the energy surrounding this quest often felt overwhelming and difficult to control. The initial waiting period for my birth file seemed to stretch on forever, but once I began my search for my biological parents and spoke with my birth mother for the first time, everything happened in less than a year. At times, the experience was overwhelming, and I hope the strategies I share here help you maintain a sense of control throughout your own journey. I believe I have experienced every emotion imaginable during this process.
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
As adoptees, we understand that our experiences can encompass a range of emotions—from the good to the bad and the ugly. For me, 95% of my adoption experience was positive. However, as I sought out my birth parents, I had to confront feelings of betrayal and shame that had held me back for years. These emotions were challenging to navigate, but I ultimately had to work through them to take that crucial step forward.
Understanding the Emotional Landscape
I have faced the profound emotional turbulence that comes with seeking to understand one’s origins. The initial rush of curiosity and nervousness can be overwhelming, especially when confronted with the possibility of uncovering long-hidden truths. I vividly remember receiving a call from the adoption agency; it was both exhilarating and daunting. Meeting with a stranger to review my file was particularly difficult, leaving me feeling vulnerable and exposed. I’m not typically an emotional person, but as I went through my file, I found myself unexpectedly crying. Be prepared for these moments; they are a natural part of the journey.
The Weight of Discovery
As I explored the contents of my adoption file, I encountered a mix of emotions. Though the file was not extensive, it held fragments of my history that felt monumental to me. Even small details can carry immense weight in the journey of self-discovery. The six-month wait to retrieve my file from the archive added another layer of complexity, filled with anticipation and anxiety. This period of waiting heightened my emotional state and forced me to reflect on the significance of my past, often feeling almost unbearable. You may find that your quest for identity hinges on these seemingly insignificant pieces of information.
Facing the Fear of the Unknown
With each step forward, I felt a palpable fear of what I might uncover. The thought of disrupting the fragile peace I had built over the years was daunting. It’s natural to fear that exploring your past could lead to confusion and despair. Acknowledge these feelings; they are valid and part of a complex emotional process.
The Challenge of Isolation
One of the most challenging aspects of this journey can be the sense of isolation it brings. It can be difficult to articulate these feelings to others, and often, we find ourselves processing our thoughts in silence. This burden can feel heavy, especially when societal expectations urge us to simply move on. Remember, you are not alone in this struggle; many share your experience, even if it feels isolating at times.
The Curveballs
Throughout your journey, you will likely encounter unexpected challenges. Embrace and validate them. For me, one of the most resonant experiences was the moment I saw a photo of my biological mother. It was the first time I truly saw my genetics reflected back at me, and the emotions that flooded over me were both shattering and peaceful.
The Guilt and Shame
There may be times when you feel guilt and shame, and it’s important to understand that these feelings are okay. I experienced guilt and a sense of betrayal when I requested my birth file, and reconciling those emotions was not easy.
Keeping Control
The emotional toll of this journey can be consuming. I found that maintaining control over my emotional resources was vital. There will be long waits, moments when things move too quickly, and times when you may want the world to stop so you can catch your breath. However, it’s essential to find a support system. I was fortunate to have someone who could lend an ear during difficult moments. Keeping a journal or blog to express your feelings can also be beneficial. The key is to avoid internalizing your emotions; there were times when I felt overwhelmed by thoughts that needed to be expressed. This practice helped me maintain my professional responsibilities and overall well-being.
Anger
At times, I experienced anger throughout my journey. I found solace in remembering that I am part of a triad—my feelings, my journey, and the experiences of my adoptive and biological parents. Embracing this perspective helped me navigate moments of anger and disconnection. Validate all your emotions; there is no textbook for what you will experience, and each journey is unique.
Educate Yourself
There are numerous resources available, including books, blogs, and podcasts. Seek them out and remember that you are not alone. The journey you are embarking on is not widely understood or discussed, but many individuals have shared their experiences. These stories can provide connection and validation during moments of confusion.
Embracing the Journey
Ultimately, I have come to accept that nothing in life truly prepares us for these journeys. Yet, there is strength in the determination to face the unknown. Embrace the tension between hope and fear; it is a natural part of the quest for identity and connection amidst uncertainty.
With warmth and understanding,
Sarah (Adult Adoptee)