Maintaining relationships: Information for birth relatives

Adoption is a big change for everyone. Even when a child is adopted, you are still part of their story. Staying connected can help your child feel loved, safe, and understood.

How decisions are made

Decisions about staying connected with your child and their adoptive family are usually made in court. This is called “Maintaining Relationships”.

Sometimes these plans are written in a court order, but not always.

These decisions are based on what is best for your child, not what adults want. You might not always agree with the plan, and that can feel hard.

What happens next?

Your child’s social worker will look for an adoptive family who agrees to the plan for staying connected.

Why Staying Connected Matters

• It helps your child know their story and feel good about who they are.
• It shows your child that you love and care about them.
• It can make you feel closer and more involved in their life.

How ACE can help

At Adoption Central England (ACE), we believe these connections matter. We have two services to support you:

• Family Connexions – Support for birth relatives affected by adoption.
• Maintaining Connexions – Helps with indirect contact (letters, photos, updates). This used to be called the “Letterbox Service.”

Ways to Stay in Touch

Indirect Contact

You can stay connected through letters, cards, photos, drawings, or voice notes. These are sent through ACE’s Maintaining Connexions coordinators.

Most families use indirect contact because it is safe and supported. Usually, there is at least one exchange each year between birth families and adoptive families.

ACE’s Maintaining Connexions and Family Connexions services can help you with this.

• A coordinator will let you know when we receive something from your child’s adoptive family.
• If you need help writing back, we can support you.

Direct Contact

Direct contact means meet-ups, phone calls, or video chats. These are arranged and supported by your child’s local authority. If you have a Family Connexions worker, they may support you with your direct contact arrangements too.

Sometimes your child’s social worker may feel that direct contact is the right thing for your child. These decisions are always about what is best for your child, not what adults want. Sometimes there is direct contact just between the adults, until it is the right time for your child to be part of this.